Creating Their Sense of Normal | My 3 Little Birds- Reflections on ...

Are you sick of me Mama??

While I was drying my hair that morning my daughter had rearranged her room: toddler bed pushed sideways, rug folded over on top of itself. Books and hair bows littered the floor, and a baby doll mosh pit was happening in the corner.

She sensed my frustration in the exasperated sigh I let out when I saw the mess. I?d been in a rush to get out the door on time, but my heart stopped for a moment when she asked me the question.

I don?t remember ever telling her that I was sick of her. I can?t remember, even, saying that I was ?sick of this? in her presence, but I know I must have at some point. Three year olds don?t invent phrases like ?sick of me.?

They don?t make up insults. They?re not fluent in sarcasm. They don?t understand irony or backhanded compliments or things said in jest.

All they know is what we tell them.

It?s true, too, that children learn who they are from what we say. Like most moms I try to be mindful of what I say around my children. I don?t allow name calling or insults and am probably more sensitive to good-natured ribbing than most.

I grew up in a family that didn?t tolerate it either, so when I?d visit the homes of friends and boyfriends I was sometimes surprised by what passed as normal.

A friend and I chatted recently about a woman who?s going through a difficult time- a divorce. She tolerated her husband?s behavior even though she saw signs of trouble ahead, my friend explained. But she she grew up with some serious dysfunction in her own home, my friend told me, she has a weird sense of what?s ok.

Her sense of Normal was off by a mile.

I know better than to ever say that we?ve got this parenting thing in the bag. I?d be the last to boast about being ?normal? myself. But when it comes to my kids and their sense of what?s ok to tolerate? I like to think we?re right on track.

I read once that we find the love we think we deserve. I believe that growing up in a home where casual insults and negativity abound shifts a child?s sense of Normal and points them toward a feeling of not measuring up.

It?s in the little things, the small details of life, that gives them the data for their self-esteem.

The expression on my face when they walk into a room.

The tone of my voice when they call my name.

If I minimize something that?s important to them.

I sat on the bedroom floor with my sweet girl, pulled her onto my lap and looked her in the eye.?I will never, not as long as I live, be sick of you.?

In that moment I wanted to draw a circle around the two of us, sitting there on her flowery rug surrounded by the clutter of a little girl?s room. This is what?s normal. This is the love you deserve.

Source: http://my3littlebirdsblog.com/2012/08/creating-their-sense-of-normal.html

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